Double post day. Thought I’d break this up since this is totally unrelated to the other topic.
I would like to try to take this blog in a new direction. I know I made all kinds of comments about how I was going to delve into brain function and psychology, and how this relates to depression and eating disorders.
The fact is, there is more to me than this one part of my life, so I’d like to share that. I do not want to censor myself, and I’m sure mental illness/food issues will surface in my writing, but I want to stop focusing on it so much. I hope everyone will stick around and keep reading, though!!
I have been extremely isolated from people, which is my own choice. When I talk about this blog, I get mixed reactions. While people seem to think it is good I am expressing myself if I feel that is the right thing to do, people who know me well have expressed concern that this blog is merely an extension of my fixation on food and my own “body project.” I think they are right. I feel like I’ve kind of aired a lot of dirty laundry, and said enough about some of the particular topics which were bothering me a lot. Now that I have done that, I would like to respect the viewpoints of those people and branch out in my life—which means also branching out here. I do not want this to lag behind within the larger spectrum of my life.
My man and I are going to be moving in together, and heading towards the big city of the midwest: Chicago. I want to make sure that I am doing everything I can for myself, and for my relationship with him. In some ways, I feel like I have not done enough to shed light upon who I really am to the person who has the most power to illicit change: ME. The fact is, I am extremely rigid, routine-oriented, in the back of my head I alway count calories, and I make decisions based primarily around these things. So if I turn down a lunch date, it probably has to do with the fact that I do not allow myself to be spontaenous, and I am too chicken to eat food I have not cooked. I can see how this has undermined my friendships, which basically means I have chosen to stay in my comfort zone, rather than busting through the roadblocks in my head that have slowly rotted my friendships. I am getting excited about moving, and figuring out what the next part of my life shall bring. I don’t want to keep choosing my diseased persona over the people who I care about.
I feel like part of doing that is going to mean open mindedness and exploration of the rest of ME who I have been ignoring since I started to only focus on Being Sick. Maybe I can let Sick Liz learn some stuff from The Rest Of Liz for once. My intuition speaks to me all the time, so deep down I know what the right thing to do is. I would like to say thank you to everyone, and especially Ben. Wish me luck!
